Guest Post: When Breastmilk and Water Don't Mix

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

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This post is also a guest post, written by a wonderful woman by the name of Heidi. Big thanks to Heidi for allowing me to publish her story!

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I was approached at our local pool two times in less than two weeks for nursing my 11 month old there. The first time someone in the pool who saw me nursing her said something to the life guard. The life guard came over to me, after we were done nursing, and asked if I could breastfeed my baby in the locker room or family bathroom or cover up.

COVER UP?! I was in a swimsuit in the WATER!

Luckily I was with my Le Leche League leader and she jumped in and stated that it was against the law to ask any nursing mother to move or to cover up. I told her that I would not be moving into the bathroom and suggested that she learn the law, especially since it's a public facility!

After thinking about what happened, I sent a letter to the director of the pool and suggested that he teach his employees about the law so it doesn't happen again. Imagine if this happened to a mother who was unaware of her rights! The pool director was very apologetic and said they were having an employee meeting in a few days and that he would address the issue. He said that he knows the law and has taught his staff about it.

I think the person who reported me to the lifeguard must have been another mother because there were only a few other women and children in the pool at the time. How another mother could have a problem with this is beyond me!

The following is the email correspondence between myself and the pool director. 

To whom it may concern,

Today I took my two children to Fairmont to go swimming on this beautiful day from 10-11am. I love your pool and it's accommodations to the children. (We also attend Galaxy Gymnastic regularly) I also meet two other friends and their children, who I invited to join us. My 10 month old was getting tired and wanted to breastfeed and I would NEVER leave my 2.5 yo by herself in the pool so I nursed my child in the shallow end. After, we swam over behind the slide to let the children out to see the ducks. Just then, one of your young female staff members came over and politely asked me to cover up or go into the bathroom/locker room if I was going to breastfeed my child again. I said why? She said because someone complained about it. We (my other nursing friend and I) explained to her that it is against the law for anyone anywhere to ask a mother to cover up or move or stop breastfeeding her child in Utah. From her reaction I don't think she knew of this law. That is why I am writing. Both my friend and I thankfully know of our rights as nursing mothers in public. If it were an unknowing mother I think she may have felt very offended by this and compliant when she didn't need to be.

I have included the two UTAH codes for a mothers right to breastfeed in Utah so you can educate your staff about this subject, especially since you are a public city ran facility. I have MANY other friends that come to your pool that are breastfeeding mothers and will nurse their children at your facility. Please educate your staff so this doesn't happen to another mother. I will continue to be a patron and will also continue to breastfeed my child there if need be.
Please, feel free to contact me if you have further questions.
Thank you,
Heidi L.
http://le.utah.gov/~code/TITLE17/htm/17_15_002500.htm
http://le.utah.gov/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_10_122905.htm

Their response:

Heidi

I am sorry for any inconvenience that this may have caused. We have covered this topic with all of our staff in previous in-service trainings. We had instructed all our staff that breastfeeding could be done anywhere in our facility. There is another staff training this Saturday and this topic will be added to the agenda. We have counseled the staff from this morning and corrected the information.

I am proud of our facility and hope that we continue to keep it kid-friendly. Thank you for continuing to use Fairmont Aquatic Center for you and your families' enjoyment. Again I am sorry for any inconvenience that this morning's situation may have caused.
Gene M.
Program Manager

The second incident happened at the same place. I was a bit reluctant to nurse there again and wanted to hold off until we got out of the pool. My discomfort was the result of being confronted for doing something so natural. My daughter was inconsolable, so I decided that I'd better nurse just before we left to change.

Before I had even letdown, a different life guard came running over and asked if I could get out of the pool to breastfeed.

I told her that I wouldn't move and that it was my right to nurse there. She told me that she wasn't asking me to cover up or nurse in the bathroom this time, but that she wanted me out of the pool so no milk would get in the water.

"How would my milk get in the pool when she's nursing?" I asked.

She claimed to know how letdown works and said that if the baby isn't latched on the milk keeps dripping out. She even compared it to eating Doritos in the water!

I explained that it's only for a brief time and that it won't effect the water but she continued to ask me to get out. Still refusing, I asked if this was her policy or the pool's policy and she said it was the pool's.

She finally gave up and decided to return to her post to watch over the pool.

Later I called the pool director who said that he had heard what happened and had tried to find me to apologize. He said that it was not their policy to ask nursing mothers to leave the water. He was sincerely apologetic and said that I can nurse wherever I need to. I suggested that he continue to educate his staff.

I stated my concern for the mother's who are unaware of their rights or who are already uncomfortable nursing in public. If they had to go through something like this, it could really jeopardize her nursing relationship! I also sent the director a link to the international nursing sign to put on the front doors of the pool, but in the months since these conversations I have yet to see it posted. I have been there and nursed there since and will continue to do so. The more it's seen the easier, I think, people will expect it as the norm!

On both occasions I had my 2 year old daughter with me as well. I wasn't going to leave her in the pool or make her get out and be cold as she waited for her sister to finish nursing. I wonder if they ever even considered that!

Confrontation vs. Censorship

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public


This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.


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As most of my friends and family know, I breastfeed Kairi and I am passionate about the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.  Some have even said that I've become a bit of a different person since having Kairi because of how immersed I've become in this and other aspects of attachment parenting.

For a while, I would post frequently on both Twitter and Facebook different articles about breastfeeding and my views on current events in breastfeeding news. One night, I shared a particularly funny link to a comic strip about breastfeeding and my Facebook page got lit up. Apparently people don't like hearing about breastfeeding.

After that day I decided to drastically reduce my amount of posts on Facebook regarding breastfeeding. It really did seem like a lot of the time that I posted about it, particularly breastfeeding in public, it would spark some pretty nasty debate. It always started out clean, but at some point or another someone would compare breastfeeding in public to lewd and disgusting acts or someone would call formula feeding parents lazy or ignorant and things just turn ugly at that point.

It truly bothers me when I have something to say but I feel the need to censor myself. I don't like confrontation but I hate tiptoeing around subjects even more. I don't often have the need to nurse in public but when I do, a twinge of the same need to censor myself hits me. I often wonder if I'm going to be approached and asked to leave or if some stranger is going to be Tweeting about how I shouldn't be nursing my child next to him while he's eating his gyro. I wonder if the people who get up to leave are leaving on their own accord or if the simple act of feeding my child has made them so uncomfortable that they feel the need to flee.

It just seems so strange to me that people are SO appalled by the way our bodies have given us the ability to feed our kids on demand, for free, a substance that is biologically perfect. It angers and saddens me that I can't feed my daughter wherever we happen to be and I can't talk about these issues that concern me without falling under fire. Someone recently said that breastfeeding is the ONLY biological norm that we are running away from more than running to - and I totally agree.

So, because of this, because hearing about and seeing breastfed children NEEDS to be an everyday NORMAL event, I will no longer censor myself or back down from an argument or debate for the sake of avoiding confrontation. I will not confine myself to the darkened corners and hallways to avoid the ever-watching public eye just because my child is hungry. All I want is to feed my child in peace. Is it really so wrong to ask for that?

My Lightbulb Moment

My friend Toni over at Our Sentiments  wrote a wonderful post in response to PhD in Parenting's post entitled, "I Won't Ask Why You Didn't Breastfeed."

If you have a minute, I highly suggest reading both pieces. The following is my response (and actually, verbatim comment on) Toni's post. 

The first time I ever even considered that I could possibly breastfeed Kairi, my second child, happened because of a conversation that began, “Well, why didn’t you breastfeed Gracie?”

I was at a baby shower for my best friend and I was pregnant myself. The woman who asked is now someone who I am so happy to be getting to know – the Le Leche League leader for the group I go to.
I explained to her my reasons – none of which were very well founded, and all of which she very gently corrected my information. For instance, I thought that breastfeeding was going to be so natural that I wouldn’t have to do any reading or educate myself on it at all. I just assumed that I’d put my baby to my breast and she’d eat, easy as pie. Tori explained to me that nursing is a learned skill, something that both mother and child have to practice in order to master.

Since the nurses at the hospital where I gave birth to Gracie weren’t much help, I waited until we got home and in a more relaxed, comfortable setting to try nursing her again. By that time, however, I was incredibly engorged – and even after having nursed for 15 months, Kairi and I still have a little bit of a rough time getting latched if I’m engorged. I didn’t know that though, so I thought that there was something wrong with me. I figured that Gracie had gotten by well enough on formula by that time so I shrugged it off and reached for the can of Good Start the hospital so *ahem* generously handed me on my way out. Tori managed to explain to me that there was nothing wrong with me and that my body was completely capable of providing for my children.

Before that conversation, without a doubt in my mind I knew I was going to be formula feeding. But as soon as she started explaining things, it was like a light bulb turned on and my world was turned upside down (in the very best way possible!)

As soon as I got home, I broke out all the pregnancy books I owned and opened them to the breastfeeding chapters. I looked up breastfeeding information online. I educated myself and prepared myself as much as a woman who had never seen a baby nursing in person possibly could. And when I delivered my baby, we nursed like champs and we continue to do so 15 months later.

So do I agree that we should perhaps quit asking why people choose not to breastfeed? No, I don’t. I certainly see the reasons why some might not and I also choose to use my own personal discretion when it comes to who and how I ask, but from my own personal experience I KNOW that if not for that specific question, I would not, under any circumstances, even tried to nurse.

My Inspiration

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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It's carnival time again and this month I'm supposed to write about how I've inspired others to parent naturally. However, I'm not sure I've been much of an inspiration... More like a cheerleader to friends who have already decided to use various kinds of natural parenting. So rather than writing about what I've done to inspire others to follow in my footsteps, I'd like to write a few short letters of thanks to those who have inspired me.

To Natalie and Aliceann -
You two rock. Two of my best friends who both had babies within 6 months of mine and you both breastfed. Knowing that some of my closest friends were preceding me in that, especially that you were going to be continuing as I was beginning, was amazing. It really made me sit up and think about what a big choice it is to decide to breastfeed.

I'm so glad I did too! Kairi is 13 months old and still breastfeeding like a champ! I am now a breastfeeding advocate, attending La Leche League meetings in another town and working towards becoming a leader so some friends and I can start our own local group and help other women.

To Annie at PhD in Parenting -
I don't even know where to begin. One day not even a month after my daughter Kairi's birth, I StumbledUpon your Economics of Breastfeeding post. Before that I hadn't TRULY begun to see what I was doing for my daughter other than giving her what was natural. I read up more and more about breastfeeding after that, which further led me to become the lactivist I am today.

And then you exposed me to the Nestle Boycott. I had no idea what a terrible, horrible company they are and I am still learning more and more about them and their horrible morals.

To my March Mommies -
You all have been so great. It's such a great resource I have in you, that we all have babies the same age. It seems that most of us share a lot of the same principals and it's been great being able to lean on one another for support when needed.

Jessica and Nikki -
You girls exposed me to the wonderful world of fluff. My goodness. What an addiction. I told Jason that it would cost less to use cloth diapers and I find myself making excuses to by more each month. Haha!

Tori and Andrea, as well as the rest of the Birth Connections and La Leche League Ladies -
It's so great getting to know you all! I'm loving learning more and more about natural parenting and getting to attend structured groups where we can discuss different areas of parenting and childbirth and pregnancy.

Twitter friends and everyone else who has ever supported me -
What a great support network you've been! I don't know what I'd do without you. Someone is always there when I need it thanks to you!

And to those who have argued against me -
Thank you for forcing me to further research my points, only further validating my faith in them!

I hope I've not forgotten anyone. If I have, it's certainly not intended.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Woman Seeking Inspiration — Seeking Mother's struggles and joys to find her own path in motherhood have inspired others — to her surprise! (@seekingmother )
• Paving the Way — Jessica at This is Worthwhile makes a conscious effort every day to be a role model. (@tisworthwhile )
• No Rules Without Reason — The Recovering Procrastinator wants to inspire her husband to discipline their children gently. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Creating a Culture of Positive Parenting Role Models — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shows parents at the playground how to do a front wrap cross carry and tells nurses about her successful home births, as a way of modeling natural parenting in public. (@TheParentVortex)
• Making A Difference for Mamas — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest took an embarrassing pumping incident at work and turned it into an opportunity for all the employees who breastfeed.
• Inspiring Snowflakes — Joni Rae at Tales of Kitchen Witch Momma is a role model for the most important people: her children. (@kitchenwitch)
• Paying it Forward — Amber at Strocel.com inspires new (and often scared) mamas with these simple words: "It will be OK." (@AmberStrocel)
• A SAHD's View on Parenting Role Models — Chris at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing doesn't have many role models as a SAHD — but hopes to be one to his daughter. (@tessasdad)
• Am I a Role Model? A Review — Deb at Science@home brings attachment parenting out of the baby age and shows how it applies (with science fun!) to parenting through all of childhood. (@ScienceMum)
• Say Something Good — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick reminds women that it is within our right to be proud of ourselves without apology. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Try, Try Again — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis wants to inspire like the Little Engine that Could.
• I'm a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew? — Sarah at OneStarryNight has received several beautiful comments about just what an inspiration she has been, if not in real life then definitely online. (@starrymom)
• That Little Thing — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing demonstrates the ripple effect, one status update at a time. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• How Has Your Day Been? — mrs green @ littlegreenblog inspired her friend to be an active listener for her children. (@myzerowaste)
• No, Thank You! — If you are reading Maman A Droit's post, you've probably inspired her. (@MamanADroit)
• My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now describes how her family's natural and Montessori principles inspired others. (@DebChitwood)
• My Hope for a Better Life — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children hopes her choices inspire her children toward a better life.
• Natural Parenting Felt Natural — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes didn't plan on natural parenting — but her son led her there. (@sheryljesin)
• Rest. Is it even possible? — Janet at where birth and feminism intersect has found that even role models need rest — and that there are ways to fit it into everyday parenting life. (@feministbirther)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model — Lauren at Hobo Mama was the fortunate recipient of a seed of inspiration, and has been privileged to plant some of those seeds herself, though she didn't know it at the time. (@Hobo_Mama)
• crunchspiration — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts wants to inspire others to parent from their heart. (@thegrumbles)
• No Extra Inspiration Required — Zoey at Good Goog doesn't think she inspires anyone and wasn't inspired by anyone in return — except by her daughter. (@zoeyspeak)
• Upstream Parenting — Luschka at Diary of a First Child blogs for that one mother in one hundred who will find her words helpful. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Parenting Advice for the Girl from Outer Space — If Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup could give one piece of inspirational advice to new parents, it would be to parent with kindness. (@MommySoup)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Role Model — Sarah at Consider Eden feels the pressure at trying — and failing — to live up to her role models. (@ConsiderEden)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role Model — Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages natural parenting mamas to take joy in the fact that they are touching lives and making a difference to children every day. (@CodeNameMama)
• Inspiration Goes Both Ways — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is flustered that people consider her a breastfeeding role model — but the lovely comments she's received prove it's so. (@bfmom)
• My Seven — Danielle at born.in.japan has identified seven role models in her life who brought her to natural parenting. Who are your seven? (@borninjp)
• A Quiet Example — Alison at BluebirdMama was one of the first parents in her group of friends — and has come to see almost all those friends follow in her natural birthing footsteps, whether intentionally or not.
• Gentle Discipline Warrior — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has inspired a gentle discipline movement — join her! (@babydust)
• Change The World... One Parent At A Time — Mamapoekie is more comfortable inspiring parents online than she is in real life. (@mamapoekie)
• Inspirational Parenting — pchanner at A Mom's Fresh Start has intentionally tried to be a role model but was unprepared for how soon someone would take notice. (@pchanner)
• My Inspiration — Erin at A Beatnik's Beat on Life has written thank-you letters to everyone who's inspired her to become the lactivist and natural parenting advocate she is today. (@babybeatnik)

Brenda and Jolene

I don't know if you remember, but a few months ago at Kairi's 6 month check-up, shortly after Kairi started eating solid foods, her pediatrician told me that I only needed to be breastfeeding her at a maximum of 4 times daily. Shocked and dismayed, I chose to switch from this doctor to the nurse practitioner in the same practice who has been seeing Gracie since she was 3 months old.

Our NP is named Brenda and she is amazing. I have always loved the way she and her staff have treated Gracie (she has different nurses than others in the practice) and I. They have always been very sweet, very knowledgeable and if I ever had a question that they couldn't answer, they would refer me to someone who could. Upon walking into our first appointment with her for Kairi in the beginning of January I already felt at ease with my decision to switch care providers. With Dr. A we would sit in the waiting room for what seemed like forever whereas with Brenda we were greeted within minutes. We've had to meet with her a few times for both Kairi and Gracie over the couple months, what with pneumonia, bronchialitis and ear infections running amok and each time has been, aside from the ailments causing the meetings, extremely pleasant.

Recently, I decided to buy some Vitamin B drops for myself. Some days I just feel like crap and my mom suggested them to me. I'd tried them before getting pregnant with Kairi and they worked great then, so I thought I'd give it another go. But before taking a drop I thought I had better call and make sure it was okay while breastfeeding. I realize it's vitamins, but it's a pretty hefty dose of vitamin and I just wasn't 100% certain. So I called and the receptionist sent a note back to Brenda. A while later I got a call back, but not from the nurse that I normally speak with.

"Hi, is this Erin?" the voice spoke over the phone.

"Yup, you've got me!" I replied. I recognized the number and wanted to be friendly.

"This is Jolene with Brenda's office. I'm calling about the Vitamin B supplement. Brenda said it is perfectly okay to take them. If you notice Kairi acting any differently be sure to stop, but it really shouldn't give you any problems."

I was relieved to hear this. I'd taken one dose without really thinking it through a few days ago. "Thanks so much," I said back to her.

"So, how are you doing?" Jolene asked me. The question sounded more social than concerned.

"I'm doing fine, thanks. How are you?"

"Great!" Jolene answered. Then she asked, "So, how is breastfeeding going for you?" It sounded like she might have been asking as if I was nursing a newborn and wanting to offer support.

"Oh, it's going GREAT! Thanks! We're at 10 months and going strong!"

"Okay - good! Well, if you ever have any questions or concerns, please feel free to call us any time, okay? Thanks! Bye now!"

After we hung up the phone I thought to myself how different my experiences have been with Brenda as opposed to Dr. A. This last experience really did it for me and made me feel even more confident in my decision. I have run into Dr. A a few times while in the office and have felt a bit like I couldn't look him in the eye. But after today I know for certain that I made the absolute best choice for my family.

Help Me Help Haiti

Hey guys - a bit of an informal post here, but I could REALLY use some help!!

So, we all know what's going on in Haiti right now and that they could really use our help. It's being suggested that we donate monetarily instead of sending food, etc. Well, I don't know about you, but I am BROKE. But I still want to help. Tomorrow I am calling the Oklahoma Blood Institute to see about donating some blood, and I encourage everyone else to do the same (only to your own respective blood banks).

I'd also like to take it a step further. As a breastfeeding mother and advocate, I realize that the need for breast milk is higher than ever in Haiti right now. And this is where you guys come in: please, please, PLEASE help me research to find out if there are any breast milk banks that are donating to Haiti. What an easy way to help out that could grant such a huge impact on someone's life.

If you find out any information, please let me know either in my comments here, by email (babybeatnik at gmail dot com) or via Twitter (@babybeatnik - I am also keeping an eye on the tag #Breastmilk4Haiti).

Thanks so much!

A Few More Thoughts on Censorship in Social Networking

Okay - I just want to get this out there, and hopefully after this we can all get on with our lives. I'm sorry if I've seen obsessive lately. I guess I have been a little obsessive. But it's like this when it comes to me: I need something to obsess on. When I was in junior high it was being as weird and out there as I could possibly be without getting arrested. High school was all about the drama surrounding boys. After high school was about partying (well, that was high school too, I must admit). When I was pregnant with Gracie, I obsessed on pregnancy so much that I read some 15-18 books on pregnancy and childbirth cover to cover. Then it was me and Jason getting married. I obsessed for 6 months on planning our wedding. I've had lots of little things in the in betweens, but I really need something big to focus on. Currently it's breastfeeding. You know, because it's a huge part of my life right now - just as all the things I've obsessed over in the past have been HUGE parts of my life. Asking me to not talk about breastfeeding (or to tone it down a bit) is the same as asking a woman about to be married not to obsess over her wedding. I'm sorry if it seems to be bordering on fanatacism (is that a word?) but you know what? At least I'm focusing on something that I can make a difference in. It might not be a big difference, but by talking openly about breastfeeding, by nursing in public (not "waving my tits around," as I've heard/seen it referred to in the past) I am hopefully making breastfeeding a little more normal to people. I hope, at least.

As well, every single day I get on Facebook or MySpace I see something someone has posted about Jesus. Now, before everyone gets all up in arms over this topic, let me stop you. I am not against religion (well, I'm against "religion," but that's a whole different post) - I am not against having spiritual beliefs and talking openly about them. Does that mean I want my News Feed on Facebook to be filled with notes on the sermon you attended last Sunday? No. But because I respect what my friends and family have to say, even if I don't agree with it necessarily, I keep my mouth shut. I skip the posts that are clearly religious. It's not that hard to do. Now, I am not trying to compare religion to breastfeeding. I am sure that there are some people out there who would argue that breastfeeding could easily be compared to religion - but I'm not gonna go there. The point is this: if I can respectfully scan over your posts, I would love it if you would do the same for mine. I don't start religious debates (or flat out call someone out for believing in some deity that I don't hold faith in.) Don't do that to me either.

Last, and this kind of goes with some of what I was saying above, if I am a fanatic about breastfeeding, I guess you could say that I am cult-leader fanatic about food. Why do I say this? Let me break this down for you. I counted my posts on Facebook over a period of 2 days. There were ~30 posts (I'm rounding up a little to make it easier to figure) total. Of those posts, 5 were about breastfeeding. 1 of the posts about breastfeeding was prompted by the people on Facebook. 10 posts were about my kids and/or husband. 15 of the posts were about food. "Man, I'm hungry!" ... "I'm making X for dinner. It's gonna be so good!" ... "OMG. Dinner was delish. What's for dessert? Who's bringing ice cream?" etc. So by all rights, if I'm a fanatic for breastfeeding, the damn it, I guess I'm pretty fucking freaky about my food.

Just because I'm posting about something you don't necessarily do or agree with that doesn't mean that you can demean me or make me feel bad for posting about it. I don't do that to you. Please pay me the same respect. And if the idea of breastfeeding bothers you THAT badly, maybe you really should delete me.

*sigh* Okay. I think I am done. For now. In the meantime, I will leave you with this picture and the reminder that this... ...was grown with breastmilk. I don't really see a problem in that. Do you?

Facebook Conversations Volume 1: Breastfeeding

Welcome to the first edition of what I am going to call Facebook Conversations. I have posted previously various conversations I have had on Facebook, but they have never been verbatim posts, more just recaps, often edited for grammar and spelling, sometimes phrasing.

What you can come to expect in these posts (more to come eventually) is a brief explanation of how the conversation came to be, the conversation verbatim (names changed to first initials for privacy), and after thoughts concerning the conversations. With that said, on with the show:

For those of who you don't know, I am a breastfeeding mother. I am fairly proactive in trying to make the act of breastfeeding the standard over formula feeding when and where possible. Most of the people I talk to about this are on Twitter, and long ago I connected my Twitter account to my Facebook account. The following conversation stems from the fact that a good portion of my posts on Facebook have to do with breastfeeding, as a good portion of my Twitter posts deal with breastfeeding.

Status:

I ♥ The Cow Goddess. http://www.thecowgoddess.com/ #breastfeeding #babywearing #rockinmomma

(BTW - Totally check out the link! She posts cool AP comics on a fairly regular basis.)

Responses:

T: seriously erin why are the majority of your posts about breast feeding? I honestly don't mean any offence but you know you are not the first girl to ever give birth or breast feed right? (i am of coarse infering that you breast feed)

Me: The majority of my posts are about breastfeeding because the majority of the people I talk to on Twitter talk about breastfeeding a good portion of the time. I'm trying to set up my page to where all my Twitter posts don't spill over to Facebook, but the apps I have are conflicting. I'm sorry if you find it offensive or annoying but until I can get things sorted out between my Twitter and Facebook accounts, you will likely continue to see posts having to do with breastfeeding. Does it really bother you that much?

T: no not offensive i have had a kid and the bitch breast fed, just seems excessive for something that has been around since the dawn of time, and women did it just fine before social networking sites

Me: What seems excessive to me is the amount of intolerance received by breastfeeding women. It's just fine and dandy to show your breasts in a low cut/revealing top or a bikini, but if I am to show as much flesh in public by feeding my child (and trust me, I don't show any more flesh feeding my child than I would wearing a bathing suit.) I get harassed for it. By talking openly about it, or at least as openly as some guys talk about the nice rack on some girl passing by, we are opening the doors to normalizing it again. Breasts are seen as purely sexual in modern society and breastfeeding, the entire reason behind having breasts, is seen as a dirty act that should only be performed (if at all) in the privacy of ones own home, in a dirty bathroom, or at best, under a blanket.

This is not the first time that I have received responses having to do with breastfeeding on Facebook. I would like to take the time right now to say that I have set up my Facebook and Twitter accounts to only coincide when I put #fb in my Twitter posts. I realize that this is probably not the best way to normalize breastfeeding in modern society, but for this moment, I am picking my battles. Earlier tonight I was called a "spermbag prostitute" by an ignorant troll of a woman for standing up for a friend who is breastfeeding a toddler. I don't particularly care to engage in that sort of commentary on Facebook as well as Twitter, so for now, my accounts will no longer coincide. I am not happy with this, but it's what I'm doing for now and depending on how I feel about it tomorrow, I may change it back. I was feeling somewhat passive aggressive at the time of my decision and posted this status in reference to it:

In order to appease the masses who are apparently annoyed/offended by my posts via Twitter about breastfeeding, I have suspended the connection btwn Twitter and Facebook. If you see a post ending in #fb it's a "selective twitter" post - a post coming from Twitter that I specifically posted to Facebook as well via Twitter. Censorship at its finest people.

As for how I feel about what was said...

First of all, he may not have meant for me to be offended, but I was. I am offended. Obviously, as I post frequently about it, breastfeeding is something that is important to me. It has been a HUGE part of the relationship I have with my daughter. It has had a HUGE impact on every aspect of my life, in all honesty. So to question why I post about something that I obviously care so much about, that to me is offensive. (Excuse me. "Offencive." Ugh.)

Second, of course I realize that I am not the first (or last!) girl to breastfeed or give birth! The whole point in posting about breastfeeding is, as stated numerous times above, to help normalize it so that hopefully more and more women will be comfortable trying it out, asking for help when needed, and sticking with it.

"no not offensive i have had a kid and the bitch breast fed"

If I EVER read "not offensive" and the term "bitch" in reference to a woman in the same sentence again, I might have to get violent.

"women did it just fine before social networking sites"

Women did it just fine when breastfeeding was the norm. When little girls grew up seeing their mothers feed their younger siblings by the breast and not the bottle, as their mothers had seen their grandmothers do for their siblings, yes, women did it just fine then. Currently women do not do it "just fine." According to the CDC*(1), in 2003 only 14.2% of mothers surveyed exclusively breastfed their 6 month old babies. It is recommended by the World Health Organization*(2) that all mothers breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond. Of course, I'm sure that's excluding those who have actual medical reasons for being unable to breastfeed (of which there aren't as many as are claimed.) That still puts us almost 85.8% lower than the recommendation. I wouldn't call that "just fine," would you?

*Sources:
1 http://www.kellymom.com/writings/bf-numbers.html
2 http://www.who.int/child_adolescent_health/topics/prevention_care/child/nutrition/breastfeeding/en/

I am more than disappointed in the conversation listed above. I am not surprised by it, but that in and of itself is also disappointing. I hope though, that by continuing to engage in these conversations that perhaps one day we will achieve the goal. In the meantime, I will continue to fight the good fight alongside my friends on Twitter. What an amazing support system they have been. Thanks to all of you who have been there for me.

A special thanks to Annie at PhDinParenting. Her blog was what set me off in my search for acceptance as a breastfeeding mother.

**Edit**

T. has responded to my status stating the severed connection between my Twitter and Facebook accounts. For now I am just posting the exchange, then heading to bed. Tomorrow I will post further thoughts.

Status:

In order to appease the masses who are apparently annoyed/offended by my posts via Twitter about breastfeeding, I have suspended the connection btwn Twitter and Facebook. If you see a post ending in #fb it's a "selective twitter" post - a post coming from Twitter that I specifically posted to Facebook as well via Twitter. Censorship at its finest people.

Responses:

T: wow really? Is attention that imortant to you and your twitter status Erin? Because I exercise my first amendment right and make an inquiry about your status updates/twitter posts you start another post demonizing my me? Come on if this is not the back bone of the feminist movement I don't know what is, ie. making a large deal out of a non-issue. No body give a shit whether you breast feed or not, except maybe for a few dense assholes, but that is not good enough for you. You need something to tweet about, so you chose an old, dilapitated subject. Compared to the real life issues weighing on our world today, the subject of bra burning feminist waving their tits to and fro for "equal rights" seems a bit shallow and pedantic. But hey if twisting my words and questions around help you get a few more fans to "make a difference" and boycott Nestle or some shit more power two you. Just remember freedom of speech is and always has been a double edged sword.

T: BTW, "appease the masses?" Savior complex much? ONE person made ONE comment, come on you are no rosa parks here, lets take a step away from the high horse

Me: Yes, really, T. And way to make it all about you as well, sir. No, it's not just about you. You're not the first to comment and I'm sure you wouldn't be the last either. I don't see how I "demonized" you, but if that's what you choose to think, more power to you. If you are bothered that much by what I post, then delete me. If you don't like what I have to say in regards to what you and other people say, don't read it. It is my First Amendment right to respond as I see fit.
Personally, I don't see how this is a non-issue. You bring up the Nestle boycott. Do you even KNOW why I'm boycotting? Are you aware that because of Nestle's immoral marketing in undeveloped countries, women who are perfectly capable of breastfeeding instead opt to use formula they often can't afford to buy (thus forcing them to thin it out, giving their infants less nutrients than they need, using unclean water). In the US alone (a developed country, as opposed to the above noted) infant mortality rates are reduced by 21% in breastfed infants. I don't know about you, but I don't see how that is a non-issue.
I am not trying to play the martyr. Sure, my comment may have been a little passive aggressive, but so is telling me, "Hey, no offense, but you're not the first to breastfeed or give birth." Like I said before, you're not the first to make this kind of comment. You couldn't possibly think that you're so original as to be the only person bothered by posts about breastfeeding, could you? I realize that it's not for everyone and that not everyone wants to read about it. That's why I changed my account connections. I have no intention of not saying what I have to say, but in order to choose my battles (an effort which apparently is a moot point now) I have changed the layout.
And in as far as attention is concerned, feel free to direct yours elsewhere. It's not wanted here.

What to Do?

Kairi had her 6 month check up and shots last week. We are about a month behind on her appointments due to some clerical errors, but I won't get into that. Her appointment went fairly well. She was weighed and measured. They checked her temperature and her ears. Everything that you would expect to be done at a typical pediatric doctor's appointment was taken care of. Then the doctor came in. He looked over her charts and immediately noticed how high her weight was on her growth chart.

"Hm," he began, feigning concern, "I see here that Kairi's weight is pretty high here. She's above the 95th percentile. We need to start restricting her diet."

"What do you mean, restrict her diet?" I asked him, caught off guard by his claim.

"Well, she needs to only be taking 24-26 oz of liquid each day. How much are you feeding her?"

I was confused. "I couldn't tell you. I breastfeed exclusively and have no way to measure how much I am feeding her."

Dr. A looked a little surprised. "Oh. Okay then, you need to only be feeding her 3-4 times daily."

Again, I was caught off guard. "Is that including nighttime feedings?" I didn't mention the fact that from the time we go to bed to the time we get up in the morning I feed her 3-4 times still.

"Yes," Dr. A said, his impatience becoming slightly apparent. "You should only be nursing 3-4 times in a 24 hour period of time. You can give her water and 2 servings of baby food or cereal per day as well, but I really want to stress how important it is that you reduce her nursing times to 3-4 times a day."

"Um, okay...." I was bewildered into agreement. Well, I wouldn't necessarily say agreement, but I couldn't begin to wrap my head around his request long enough to question it until I had left his office. The further away I got, the more angered I was by what he was telling me.

Now, I don't claim to be a doctor, but I am not some uneducated schmo from off the street who will take his word without a second guess if it doesn't feel right. I have done enough research into breastfeeding to know that until my daughter is a year old her primary source of nutrition should be breast milk and the rest of it, the baby food, the juice, etc, is all supplementary. Sure, she needs those things, because after 6 months of age she needs more iron than I can produce for her and she needs other vitamins that aren't found in adequate amounts in breast milk. But most of her basic needs are met in my milk and every single article I have ever read states that until she is a year old I should be nursing on demand.

That is not to say that I am a 100% by the book kind of girl. I know that nothing works exactly the way the books say it will and often times I have to find a compromise between what I've read and what I feel to make things work. More often than not I lean towards what I feel over what I've read. But in this instance, everything I have read is completely aligned with everything I feel. And down to my very core I feel that reducing my daughter's nursing times to 3-4 times daily - like I said before, that's just what she eats once we go to bed! - is absolutely not what she needs.

Today when I logged into Twitter I saw a link to the growth chart used for breastfed babies. I followed it and entered Kairi's information into it. According to the chart at her doctor's office, Kairi was above the 95th percentile in weight. That's supposed to be a cause for concern. According to the chart that is provided by the World Health Organization, my daughter is in the 75th percentile. Right on the line.

I realize that I have a chunky baby. In fact, I expected Kairi to be a chunky baby. I was a chunky baby. So was Jason. Gracie was ENORMOUS. By 3 months she was in the 95th percentile in weight on her chart and her doctor was cramming dietary information down my throat even then. But take a look at Gracie. Go on, I posted recent pictures of her in my previous post. Take a look at her, come back, and tell me that you are worried for her weight - that you fear she might just tip into the range of obesity should she eat one more Twinkie. Granted - Gracie's weight hindered her physical development to a degree that we had to have specialists come in and determine she would be able to catch up with the other kids. Gracie didn't roll over until she was 6 months. She didn't sit up until she was 8-9 months, didn't crawl until she was a year old and didn't walk until she was 18 months old. But once she started moving that weight fell right off.

I have no fear that my children will be obese. I realize that obesity is quickly becoming the number 1 preventable cause of death and that while children are less at risk of weight related health problems, being overweight as a child often leads to being overweight as a teenager and as an adult, which we all know can lead to all kinds of health problems. With that knowledge in mind I try to feed my children healthy food - at the very least home cooked food, which we all know is often times healthier than eating out - as well as I allow them to get plenty of age-appropriate physical exercise. Kairi may be at the top of the charts (the WRONG charts) at her doctor's office, but I know that like her father and I, as well like her sister, once she becomes more physically active she will thin out.

All weekend I have been fighting with myself over whether or not to switch doctors. Ultimately I have decided that I am going to try to find a more pro-breastfeeding pediatrician. Sure, Dr. A has spouted "breast is best" but beyond that I have seen no support from him. In fact, he suspended breastfeeding when Kairi had jaundice. After getting out of the hospital from that ordeal I found out from several sources that there was no need to suspend breastfeeding or to supplement formula as the doctor had ordered.

But I am concerned for the mothers who aren't as sure of their decisions as I am. Even with my level of certainty I faltered briefly when ordered to reduce what I know is working. If I was less certain of my choice to breastfeed, his order to reduce nursing would ultimately lead to a reduction in milk supply and eventually to having to supplement formula or even wean altogether before I am ready. I wonder how many mothers have gone through that with their children because of faulty claims that they are nursing too often. This also leads me to wonder what other misguided information Dr. A is giving.

I would like to do more than just switch doctors. I would like to raise awareness of what is going on, but beyond this I just don't know how. This man is a very popular and trusted doctor in my community. He's been around for a very long time - he was even my pediatrician when I was a child. This issue pulls at me, pulls at my morals and I don't feel that I can simply walk away and only do what is best for myself and my child. What would you do in this kind of dilemma?

No Boobs in the Cry Room

A few weeks ago I posted something on my Facebook status regarding breastfeeding support. Most of my friends know that I breastfeed my daughter, and while I am not of the Breastfeed-or-Die clan I am pretty well versed in the pros and cons of both breastfeeding and formula feeding and have opinions on both.

Well, as you can imagine, my status sparked a conversation with a younger girl with whom I used to work. In so many words, she stated that she too supports breastfeeding but she doesn't want to "look over and see boobs in the middle of Sunday morning mass. That's what cry rooms are for," she claimed.

Well now. As you can imagine, this struck a chord with me. As a breastfeeding mother and an equal rights activist for ALL I was slightly offended. "I'm sorry if I'm mistaken here, but I was under the impression that cry rooms were meant to be a place where you take your crying baby, as not to disturb the rest of the congregation. You'll have to excuse that assumption as I'm not exactly a member of the church but that is what the name implies. Now, I can't speak for other mothers, but I can read my baby's hunger cues and get her fed well before she starts crying, so there's no real need for me to take her to the cry room, is there?"

I got an immediate response. "Sure there is. Don't you think that waving your bare breast around in the House of the Lord, or in any public area for that matter, is inappropriate?"

Hah! Inappropriate! Boy oh boy.

"Let me tell you what I find to be inappropriate: First of all, the fact that a mother who feeds her child formula from a bottle wouldn't have to leave the room yet I am basically punished for feeding my child the best possible food for her and blacklisted from any public area while doing so. Yes, let's reward the mom who feeds her baby what scientists call "artificial milk." That's right - it's artificial. It's a half-assed chemical reproduction of the better choice.

"Second of all, I find it completely inappropriate that society has marked breasts as first being sexual devices and only second as what they were naturally intended to be. If GOD has a problem with me using my breasts the way he intended them to be used in his house then I shall choose not to visit Him. Although I doubt that is the case.

"Last but not least, I find it HIGHLY inappropriate that you claim to support breastfeeding. As a breastfeeding mother, when people tell me something like what you've just said I hear 'Oh, it's okay to breastfeed, so long as it's convenient for me and doesn't offend me. Because that's who it's about anyway, right? Me.'

"I am all for modesty. While I disagree with the way society has forced our view on breasts as sexual objects I understand that that is the world we live in and if I feed my daughter in public I will do so as discreetly as possible. But I refuse to shy away from giving my daughter what is best and I refuse to be inconvenienced by people who go out of their way to be offended by it. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but I am tired of being looked down upon for making what I believe to be the healthiest, most responsible choices for my child. I appreciate your opinion but that's not the kind of 'support' I need."