Quick Hit: The Chicken Pox Rant

I'm loving this: I didn't want to get the chicken pox vaccine for Gracie. I figured it was a mild enough illness and yeah, I know it puts you at risk to get shingles later in life, but I'd never met anyone who has had them, so how big of a risk is that really? The nurse guilted me into it, told me that I was ignorant, irresponsible and arrogant for thinking that I'm "smarter than science." She basically told me that she calls CPS on people who don't do their full vaccination schedule. So we vaccinated Gracie against chicken pox anyway. And now she has them. Some good that did.

This post was originally supposed to be a Facebook status, but it got away from me. 

Just a side note: As Gracie DID get her vaccine, her chicken pox are a little less severe than they would be otherwise. So, considering that she was gonna get them either way, I suppose I'm at least thankful for that. 

But still? It's all crap. 

"So, you must be one of those feminists, huh?"

Last night I ran into an old co-worker at the gas station where he was employed. He didn't recognize me at first, as it's been a few years since we worked together and I look a little different now. When I mentioned working with him at McDonald's he remembered my name and asked how I was doing.

"As you can tell, I haven't really moved up in life. How about you? What are you up to these days?" he asked me.

I told him that I'm a stay at home mom, to which he smiled and said that he thought that was really cool. Then I told him that I was about to start school again.

"Oh," he said, his smile dropping slightly, "so, you must be one of those feminists, huh? You think you have a voice, I bet."

I was a little confused. The last I'd heard, at least in this day and age, just because a woman is in school doesn't mean she's necessarily a feminist. Not to say that I'm not a feminist or that I'm against feminism - I just didn't see how it was related. I asked him to elaborate.

"Oh, I just think that women, especially mothers, belong in the home."

I was becoming aggravated, but I had people waiting for me in the car so I kept my cool.

"You know, I'd love to stay at home with my kids and be there for everything that happens, but I can't really afford to do that. And I can't afford to continue living paycheck to paycheck like I've done my entire life up to now, so I have to go to school. I want to provide my children and myself with a better life. Otherwise, I might work, you know, in a gas station."

I turned and left, leaving him in a state of silent confusion.

A Few More Thoughts on Censorship in Social Networking

Okay - I just want to get this out there, and hopefully after this we can all get on with our lives. I'm sorry if I've seen obsessive lately. I guess I have been a little obsessive. But it's like this when it comes to me: I need something to obsess on. When I was in junior high it was being as weird and out there as I could possibly be without getting arrested. High school was all about the drama surrounding boys. After high school was about partying (well, that was high school too, I must admit). When I was pregnant with Gracie, I obsessed on pregnancy so much that I read some 15-18 books on pregnancy and childbirth cover to cover. Then it was me and Jason getting married. I obsessed for 6 months on planning our wedding. I've had lots of little things in the in betweens, but I really need something big to focus on. Currently it's breastfeeding. You know, because it's a huge part of my life right now - just as all the things I've obsessed over in the past have been HUGE parts of my life. Asking me to not talk about breastfeeding (or to tone it down a bit) is the same as asking a woman about to be married not to obsess over her wedding. I'm sorry if it seems to be bordering on fanatacism (is that a word?) but you know what? At least I'm focusing on something that I can make a difference in. It might not be a big difference, but by talking openly about breastfeeding, by nursing in public (not "waving my tits around," as I've heard/seen it referred to in the past) I am hopefully making breastfeeding a little more normal to people. I hope, at least.

As well, every single day I get on Facebook or MySpace I see something someone has posted about Jesus. Now, before everyone gets all up in arms over this topic, let me stop you. I am not against religion (well, I'm against "religion," but that's a whole different post) - I am not against having spiritual beliefs and talking openly about them. Does that mean I want my News Feed on Facebook to be filled with notes on the sermon you attended last Sunday? No. But because I respect what my friends and family have to say, even if I don't agree with it necessarily, I keep my mouth shut. I skip the posts that are clearly religious. It's not that hard to do. Now, I am not trying to compare religion to breastfeeding. I am sure that there are some people out there who would argue that breastfeeding could easily be compared to religion - but I'm not gonna go there. The point is this: if I can respectfully scan over your posts, I would love it if you would do the same for mine. I don't start religious debates (or flat out call someone out for believing in some deity that I don't hold faith in.) Don't do that to me either.

Last, and this kind of goes with some of what I was saying above, if I am a fanatic about breastfeeding, I guess you could say that I am cult-leader fanatic about food. Why do I say this? Let me break this down for you. I counted my posts on Facebook over a period of 2 days. There were ~30 posts (I'm rounding up a little to make it easier to figure) total. Of those posts, 5 were about breastfeeding. 1 of the posts about breastfeeding was prompted by the people on Facebook. 10 posts were about my kids and/or husband. 15 of the posts were about food. "Man, I'm hungry!" ... "I'm making X for dinner. It's gonna be so good!" ... "OMG. Dinner was delish. What's for dessert? Who's bringing ice cream?" etc. So by all rights, if I'm a fanatic for breastfeeding, the damn it, I guess I'm pretty fucking freaky about my food.

Just because I'm posting about something you don't necessarily do or agree with that doesn't mean that you can demean me or make me feel bad for posting about it. I don't do that to you. Please pay me the same respect. And if the idea of breastfeeding bothers you THAT badly, maybe you really should delete me.

*sigh* Okay. I think I am done. For now. In the meantime, I will leave you with this picture and the reminder that this... ...was grown with breastmilk. I don't really see a problem in that. Do you?

It Comes Down to Trust

Last week I witnessed my first piece of blog-drama. I've been reading blogs regularly for only about a year or so and never encountered anything that shook the entire mommy-blogosphere like this story did.

You see, this woman posted a story about how during a routine security check in an Atlanta airport a TSA agent removed her son from her and walked away with him. I read her post and, as a woman who has actually had my child taken from me I took this post extremely seriously. Not that anyone else wouldn't, but it hit home here. I relived my experience which was heartbreaking and traumatic, as even thinking about it renders me pretty much useless for a couple hours while I recoup. I wept for this woman because although what she had gone through was nowhere near as hard as what I went through, it was still scary and I know that feeling of desperation and helplessness that comes after your child leaves your line of sight and you have no idea where she is going to end up.

Shortly after I recovered from my tear soaked, snot covered journey into my past I discovered the TSA blog's response to the woman's accusations accompanied by a video showing 9 different angles of the whole ordeal. No one took her son from her. There were several other things that she claimed happened during the ordeal that did not appear in the videos. No tear-filled phone calls to her husband or mother. In fact, she didn't appear to be hysterical in any of the video. No tears at all. I watched waiting... Waiting for it to happen. Waiting for even a lapse in the video - a place where perhaps they edited out the encounter. Then the video stopped.

After the video ended I sat and stared blankly at the screen for a moment, shocked that I had been so easily duped. I wanted so badly to believe her, to believe that someone wouldn't blatantly lie like that. I was disappointed in myself for not second guessing the story and for taking a person whom I had never met for her word. I'm still amazed at how devastated I become when I realize that just because I am an honest person that does not mean that everyone else is. It hits me like a slap in the face every time I blindly put my trust into someone and it is taken for granted.

I realize that this woman doesn't care about me or how I felt when I realized that her story was a work of fiction. I'm not so much bothered by the fact that she lied - but more her complete disregard for those whose faith she has betrayed. Throughout our lives we gain a great number of things for ourselves. We decorate our lives with fancy electronics, nice cars, pretty furnishings. We fill our homes with items to keep us busy and entertained. What most people don't realize - like really, deep down gain understanding of - is that these things can easily be stripped away and we're left with nothing. And when it comes down to that, all we really have left is our word and our respect.

Most people I know are like me when it comes to giving and taking respect and trust. I give it freely - it is a courtesy I extend upon meeting someone. The longer I know a person without having that trust and respect broken the deeper it runs. So despite the fact that I had never before read this woman's blog, I took her word at face value and I felt for her more deeply than I tend to feel for people I don't know because her story hit close to home. I know that I probably should have known better, that I shouldn't have been so quick to react but that's the kind of person I am. I leap before looking because I trust (perhaps irrationally) that there will be a soft landing ahead. I guess that's why I find it so wrong that people take for granted the people who trust in them.

I am pretty sure that as it stands now most of the people who are reading this are people I know. Even so, there are a few out there that are strangers. Despite that, I know that I want to maintain my integrity - I find it incredibly important to maintain the trust that is extended to me by you - my readers. Because without that, why would you be here?

Where the aforementioned woman is concerned, she has been stripped of my trust. Not that she finds it important, I'm sure. I just needed, for myself, to get this out of my head. There are plenty of people who write personal accounts of their experiences that are true to their word who I would much rather take the time to read, to get to know - and I hope that those of you who are reading this see me as one of those people.

Schism

Upon arrival back at home from our weekend get-away we found our friend Kevin asleep on our couch.

Kevin is an old friend of ours and lived with us in our first home together. We did not get along when we lived together though.

So. Apparently Kevin has gotten evicted from his apartment. Before we left he told us about it and asked if he could store his stuff in our garage until he finds his own place. When I went into the garage to do some laundry on Sunday it was like walking into the living room of Kevin's old apartment. Great.

Jason has told Kevin that he can stay with us even though he knows that this is NOT a decision I am happy with. At all. The house we live in is owned by my kind of crazy aunt; a person who, as I have only recently found out, is trying to find any reason to kick us out that she can find. She is not going to be happy about the decision to let Kevin stay here either and we may ALL end up homeless over it.

My husband doesn't seem to care. We have been fighting over this situation since we got home (I love negating all that relaxation we got over the weekend!) and only when I explained to him last night that I feel like he is choosing his degenerate, jobless friend over his family did he understand.

But understanding has not brought change and tonight I feel like I might just have to go a step further and explain to him that this situation - even just a week in - has made me so stressed out that I am considering saying "Fuck this relationship" and moving in with my mother! I doubt it will come to that, but I guess we'll see.

Stay tuned for updates.