The Motivator

I've always had problems with my alarm clocks. I'm one of those people that has to hit the snooze button a million times before getting up, and I'm sure if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have nearly as many problems as I do.

Generally speaking, the problems I have with my clocks make me wake up late. There have been multiple occasions that I've hit snooze and the alarm has never gone off again after that. And yes, I've double checked to make sure I didn't actually turn the thing off instead of just hitting snooze. It just quit working.

There have also been times that I've had what I like to call interactive dreams. Have you ever been dreaming, and all of a sudden there's a song playing in your dream? You wake up to find out that the radio is on. Well, these dreams are like that. The best example I can give of that type of dream is what I call the race dream. In my dream I was running a sort of race. I was running around the block, and just as I'd get back around, a buzzer would go off and I'd have to hit it to start my time over. I was two hours late for work that day.

My last alarm clock was the one that quit going off after snoozing. That happened to me three times in one week and luckily I just happened to wake up with about ten minutes to get ready. The first couple of times I thought it might just be a fluke, or that I did something wrong like turning the alarm off instead of hitting snooze, but like I said above, I did check, and I did not turn it off. So after the third time in one week of having the same problem, I threw that sucker away and bought a new one.

I like my new alarm clock. It was cheap and it doesn't have a radio, which means it doesn't have a volume control either. I just get a super loud, "ANK ANK ANK ANK ANK!" when it's time to get up and around. But, as with every alarm I've ever owned, this one has its own unique set of problems. The buttons which are used to set the time are right next to the snooze button on this clock, and although you have to hold the "time" button to reset the time on the clock, somehow, in hitting snooze in the mornings, I manage to bump the "hour" button. The next time I hit the snooze button, I look at the clock and it's an hour past the time I'm supposed to be at work, which forces me to jump up out of bed and run to the living room, only to see that I've got an hour to get ready. I'm already up and around, so there's no going back to bed. Plus, I honestly do have good intentions of getting up that early when I set the alarm that early, I just don't have the motivation to actually get up until the last minute. I think I'm going to rename my clock, "The Motivator."

The Chain

When you're a mom, there's something about looking down at your sleeping child that sometimes fills you with the most intense sense of gratification. There's a certain peace in knowing that you've done your job. All of the worry and stress of the day is washed away and you're left feeling full of nothing but, as cheesy as it sounds, pure love for your child, a love so strong that it feels like it could literally burst out of you at any second. 

At one point in time after I had Gracie, I want to say she was three or so, she was napping while I was on the phone with my mom. I looked down at her and she was so peaceful and everything just seemed so right with the world in that moment. That feeling washed over me, that rush of oxytocin. I asked my mother if that feeling ever goes away, if it fades with time as your child grows older. 

Her response was that, no, it never goes away or fades with time, that she still feels that feeling for me. Like so many other children, for many years I had taken for granted the love of my parents, as it had never occurred to me until that moment exactly how much love was felt for me, even as an adult. 

As I look on at my two sleeping daughters right now, I feel that feeling still. I never would have thought that it could be bigger than it already was, but every time that feeling washes over me, I remember that someone out there feels the same way for me and it doubles. There's no real way to describe it, other than a never-ending flow of energy that runs from mother to child, and is now channeled from one mother's child to her own children. I hope my girls can share this chain of love with their own children one day. 

My Mom

I consider myself to be incredibly lucky that I've been able to make a friend out of my mother now that we're both adults. Like most girls, we hit a rough patch when I was a teenager - a really rough patch I guess would be a more appropriate term for it.

Our relationship remained rocky for a few years after I moved out. There were various stressors that kept our relationship strained, but thankfully, through a lot of very hard work, things were worked through and we were in a good place to get to know one another again when I became pregnant with Gracie. 

I was 20 and I still had a lot to learn when it came to living my adult life. (Not to say that I still don't have a lot to learn - but looking back, I'm incredibly surprised I survived on my own.) So when I became pregnant, I really needed some additional support. 

I was the first of my close friends to get pregnant, so the natural choice of people to turn to when I had questions or just wanted to commiserate with when I had morning sickness was my mother. At the time, she was living in Wichita, KS, so our relationship grew by daily phone calls. (Let's not kid ourselves here - sometimes we talked multiple times a day.) 

We talked about all kinds of stuff. First we talked about my pregnancy, then we talked about her pregnancy with me and how things were compared and contrasted between the two. We talked about her childhood and my childhood and the eventual childhood of the baby in my belly. And over the course of those 38 weeks, my mother and I became friends. 

A few months after Gracie was born, my husband and I got into some trouble and my mom moved here to take Gracie so we could turn things around. In the two years that she lived here, we became even closer, seeing each other nearly every day. She also formed an intensely deep bond with Gracie - a bond so deep that sometimes Gracie randomly gets upset because she misses her Mimi. 

Just before Gracie's second birthday, my mom moved to Tulsa and has been there since. It was really hard to go without having my mom around, but it was also a freeing experience, as having her here also meant having a safety net I'd never had before and going without that meant I had to learn how to be a real adult (one who is a productive member of society rather than a drain on it). 

We try to visit as often as we can, and we still talk on the phone almost daily. I'm not really sure why I started writing this post, or where I'm going with it from here - I guess I just realized that I haven't talked much about my mom on here and figured it's time. I love my mom very much and I am so thankful that she and I have both been able to work through our own personal issues in order to create a bond together. 

Is That Kid on a Leash?

I've talked about my youngest daughter Kairi here before, and how she can be a little unruly. My husband Jason and I have been to parenting classes, we've worked really hard with her to try to improve her behavior, and we are getting ready to start family counseling to hopefully get a few more tools to utilize when Kairi's behavior gets out of hand. 

Gracie was nothing like Kairi. Gracie was incredibly mild mannered in comparison. Don't get me wrong - Gracie threw some fits and got a little crazy from time to time, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to Kairi. Kairi's fits are like nothing I've ever seen. She hits, kicks, screams, pulls hair, scratches, pinches, and bites herself so hard she brings up bruises. She also has a tendency to run off the moment we set her down. 

We've tried everything we can think of. Really. And like I said above, we're about to start counseling to hopefully get things under control before she gets much older. I know she's two, and a lot of people would say that it's just a phase, just the "terrible twos," but let me just say that this is the "terrible twos" on CRACK and we need HELP.

So, while we were on vacation, we decided to finally employ the monkey backpack/leash that a friend gave us for the kids to play with. We got it several months ago and never really intended on using it. I tried it on Kairi when we first got it, but she flipped out and hid it. But, we decided to give it another go, considering that we'd be in various airports, a major league baseball game, and a great number of other crowded locations where the idea of losing sight of our 2 year old, even for a second or two, is terrifying. 

As it turned out, this thing was a Godsend. I have never been more thankful for an accessory than I was for Kairi's monkey backpack. 

Prior to having kids, however, the idea of "leashing" my child really freaked me out. Admittedly, I was pretty judgmental of the whole idea. Having lived through mothering a child who will run off the moment you set her down, however, I totally get the need for this product. But it still draws in a lot of judgment.

One girl at the airport in Memphis made a comment in passing that really got to me. We were in the middle of our layover and we were hunting down a smoking area for Jason. We've got our 6 year old, our 2 year old, a carry-on, a tote bag, and a toddler carseat all in tow, and we're trying to navigate this incredibly busy airport. We're all tired, and Jason is incredibly cranky because he hasn't had a cigarette in hours. His crankiness made me cranky, which in turn made me snap at the girls probably significantly more than necessary or normal... It just wasn't a great situation. So, we're walking along when Kairi decides she wants me to carry her. Only I'm carrying the carseat as well as pulling the carry on behind me. So she just lays down and starts crying. And here comes little miss judgment, a girl who probably doesn't have kids, one of those people who would say, "Well, I babysit a lot so I know a lot about kids." As she's passing by, she says, "Well that's good planning. A lot of good that leash is doing you, huh?"

While actually in Florida, we passed a lot of people who said, only once they thought we were out of earshot, "Is that kid on a leash?" At one point in time, we passed a couple who made that remark, then immediately came upon a woman trying to buckle her screaming daughter into a stroller. She looked up at us after she saw Kairi skip past her and said, "Man... I could REALLY use one of those." 

So, in response to anyone who wants to pass judgment, yes. My kid is on a leash. But you know what? At least they're not locking down Wal-Mart to search for the child I lost, and at least her picture isn't going up on the lost child wall in the entry way. 

And to anyone who thinks I'm lazy for choosing to use a "leash," you try chasing my two year old around for a couple of hours, then we'll talk. 

Back From Vacation

Wow - It's been a little while since I last posted. Apologies all around, folks. I haven't had many ideas on topics to write about, but I've decided that perhaps if I even just use my blog as a platform for an online public diary of sorts, perhaps by writing more frequently even just about our everyday happenings, maybe that will help get the ball rolling.

So, a lot has happened since I last wrote. School is out and summer vacation is in! So far I've been very busy this summer. I started a new part time job working at this really cool local coffee and sandwich shop. I used to go in just about every morning for coffee and a breakfast quesadilla before class (and oh my goodness, are their breakfast quesadillas the best ever! *drools*) They had just begun staying open over the weekend and business was finally picking up enough that the owner felt she could justify hiring someone to work the weekend shifts so she could have some time off and she offered me the job. It came at a perfect time too, because although I was working weekends at Chili's and making decent money, that money was also cash in hand - which slipped right through my fingers the moment it hit them.

Since my family was planning a vacation - a real vacation - I needed to save all the money I could, and putting a lump-summed paycheck in the back was a lot easier than depositing a slow trickle of cash. Plus, did I mention that this place is super cool and I love all the people that work there? It's an awesome job for me.

I am still working at Chili's too, though. I love my job at Chili's, and since my coffee shop job was only for weekends, I decided it would be in my best interest to keep my position at Chili's open so I can work there during the week while I'm not in school. It might sound like a lot, but really it's just two part time jobs that don't really equal a full-time job. I get in about 30 hours a week or so.

I'm just getting back into working however, because we just got back from our above-mentioned vacation. We took a trip to St. Petersburg, Florida, and it was AMAZING! My husband Jason and I celebrated 10 years together while we were there by taking the girls to the Sunken Gardens. I know, it doesn't really sound that spectacular, but it was a lot of fun.

We did a lot of stuff while we were there. The whole reason behind choosing St. Petersburg was because we have some very close friends who live there. Jennifer, the girl I grew up with, and her mom, one of my Mom's best friends, moved there 9 years ago, so we thought it would be a good place to visit. And boy, was it! I think we had the best time together as a family.

I'll be posting pictures soon, and giving more updates as they come - I'm hoping to write a new post at least twice a week, so keep your eyes peeled as there is more to come!

Thoughts on Celebration

Today I am celebrating, but not because a man is dead. You see, I don't believe in the celebration of death, no matter how much of a monster the person who died was. Instead, I believe on the celebration of life, and that is what I am celebrating today.

Today, I am celebrating the countless lives that have surely been spared by the absence of a man. It is not important how this absence came about, as it could have just as easily come by imprisonment.

I also realize that we still have a long way to go, a long fight ahead of us, and so I keep my celebration short and reserved. I know that there are still men and women out there putting their lives on the line, putting themselves at risk - probably at greater risk for what I hope to be only a short time longer. Until these men and women are home safe with their families, I will reserve my energy, for when that day comes, the celebration will be great!

Bible Thumped in Oklahoma

I just got finished writing a query to a very popular advice column. I doubt if I'll get any kind of a response from that venue, but I'd like to share my letter here and see what advice you all might have to offer.


----------------------------------

Neither my husband or I are religious, and we decided before having children that we would give our kids a well rounded religious education once they were old enough to understand that they have a choice in their beliefs.

That being said, our oldest daughter is 6 years old and is in kindergarten. A few weeks ago, she came home from school and told me that she'd asked her teacher about her cross necklace and her teacher responded that the cross reminds her of Jesus and how he died on the cross to be the one true lord and savior. While I disagreed with the fact that her teacher shared that with her, I understood that my daughter asked the question to begin with, inviting that answer.

Today, on Good Friday, my daughter came home from school and told me all about Easter and how Jesus died to absolve our sins and how we should praise God for sending us his only begotten son, etc. etc. etc. Her teacher told the entire class the story of Easter with her own religious belief embellishments added in. (I'd like to note that my daughter goes to public school.)

I'm angry and upset that such an authority figure would take time out of class to push her own religious agenda upon a group of impressionable 5 and 6 year olds, none of whom are old enough to realize that they can question her authority. I would like to take this issue up with the school, but I am not sure what exactly I should do.

Some friends have suggested obeying the chain of command and talking directly with the teacher first. I am afraid that if I do this, my daughter will be singled out as the kid with Hellbound parents. Other friends have suggested going directly to the principal or even the school board, but I don't want to get the teacher fired. Aside from this incident, we've never had any issue with the teacher and my daughter loves her.

I'm afraid that no matter what I do, the situation may not be resolved, as I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt and most people around here take complaints against their public religious beliefs as a personal offense or something to be shrugged off and laughed at.

So what do I do?

Beatnik's Beat on Feet Giveaway Winner

Congratulations, Marci J! You've won a custom pair of fuzzy flip flops! Keep an eye on your inbox to claim your prize! :)

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in my giveaway! It was my first one ever and while it didn't go as well as I'd hoped, I was able to reach my goal and come up with a reasonable pricing system for selling my flip flops.

I've decided to sell adult pairs for $10 and childrens pairs for $7 with exceptions made for more difficult or expensive customs.

Again, if you'd like to place an order with me send an email to baby.beatnik (at) att (dot) net!

Introducing: A Beatnik's Beat on Feet

Okay, okay. I realize that my giveaway should probably be considered the introduction of my new project, "A Beatnik's Beat on Feet,"  but now that I've made my first actual sale, I feel like it's more official, and thus deserves a more official introduction.

I am making and selling custom fuzzy and/or furry flip flops, sizes ranging from children's small (3-4 year olds) to women's large (10.5), colors ranging from one side of the rainbow to the other in any combination you can think up.

Here are a few examples:

Tinsel Town

Bubble Gum

Red Shoe Society

Soft Rainbow

Vivid Rainbow

Ice Ice Baby

Summer Sherbert

School Spirit: OU

School Spirit: OSU

If you'd like to place an order, please email me at baby.beatnik (at) att (dot) net and let me know what size and color flip flop you'd like and what color and style of yarn.

Pricing is tentatively set at $10 per adult pair, $7 per child pair, and may change based on results from the name your price giveaway I am currently holding.

So, if you'd like to win a free pair of these custom flip flops, click the link above and comment there to enter!

A Beatnik's Beat on Feet: Giveaway!

I am SO excited to announce that I am starting a small business of sorts! I am making custom fuzzy flip flops - and just in time for spring and summer! I've just started, but here's what I've got so far:

Soft Rainbow

Grape Crush (child size)

School Spirit: OU

Tinsel Town

School Spirit: OSU

Bubble Gum

Red Shoe Society

Vivid Rainbow

I'm still working on some different colored flip flops and will have lots of varying styles coming up, so definitely keep your eyes open for that. 

In the meantime, I could use some help. I'm not sure how to price these things! I've come up with a few prices, but I'm getting varying opinions - some think I'll charge too little, some say there's no way they'd pay that much for a pair of flip flops. 

So, I am giving away one pair of custom flip flops - your choice of color and style. 

Here are the ways you can  enter:

• Comment telling me how much you could realistically see yourself paying for a pair of these shoes. This entry is mandatory - the rest are optional extra entries. 
• Go Like my Facebook page!
• Follow me on Twitter!

Rules of participation:

• Must live within the continental US. 
• Leave your name and email address in each entry comment. 
• A winner will be chosen at random via random.org in one week. (April 15, 2011) The winner will have 2 days to respond once contacted. If I receive no response from the winner, I will choose another.