Quick Hit: The Chicken Pox Rant

I'm loving this: I didn't want to get the chicken pox vaccine for Gracie. I figured it was a mild enough illness and yeah, I know it puts you at risk to get shingles later in life, but I'd never met anyone who has had them, so how big of a risk is that really? The nurse guilted me into it, told me that I was ignorant, irresponsible and arrogant for thinking that I'm "smarter than science." She basically told me that she calls CPS on people who don't do their full vaccination schedule. So we vaccinated Gracie against chicken pox anyway. And now she has them. Some good that did.

This post was originally supposed to be a Facebook status, but it got away from me. 

Just a side note: As Gracie DID get her vaccine, her chicken pox are a little less severe than they would be otherwise. So, considering that she was gonna get them either way, I suppose I'm at least thankful for that. 

But still? It's all crap. 

Facebook Conversations Volume 1: Breastfeeding

Welcome to the first edition of what I am going to call Facebook Conversations. I have posted previously various conversations I have had on Facebook, but they have never been verbatim posts, more just recaps, often edited for grammar and spelling, sometimes phrasing.

What you can come to expect in these posts (more to come eventually) is a brief explanation of how the conversation came to be, the conversation verbatim (names changed to first initials for privacy), and after thoughts concerning the conversations. With that said, on with the show:

For those of who you don't know, I am a breastfeeding mother. I am fairly proactive in trying to make the act of breastfeeding the standard over formula feeding when and where possible. Most of the people I talk to about this are on Twitter, and long ago I connected my Twitter account to my Facebook account. The following conversation stems from the fact that a good portion of my posts on Facebook have to do with breastfeeding, as a good portion of my Twitter posts deal with breastfeeding.

Status:

I ♥ The Cow Goddess. http://www.thecowgoddess.com/ #breastfeeding #babywearing #rockinmomma

(BTW - Totally check out the link! She posts cool AP comics on a fairly regular basis.)

Responses:

T: seriously erin why are the majority of your posts about breast feeding? I honestly don't mean any offence but you know you are not the first girl to ever give birth or breast feed right? (i am of coarse infering that you breast feed)

Me: The majority of my posts are about breastfeeding because the majority of the people I talk to on Twitter talk about breastfeeding a good portion of the time. I'm trying to set up my page to where all my Twitter posts don't spill over to Facebook, but the apps I have are conflicting. I'm sorry if you find it offensive or annoying but until I can get things sorted out between my Twitter and Facebook accounts, you will likely continue to see posts having to do with breastfeeding. Does it really bother you that much?

T: no not offensive i have had a kid and the bitch breast fed, just seems excessive for something that has been around since the dawn of time, and women did it just fine before social networking sites

Me: What seems excessive to me is the amount of intolerance received by breastfeeding women. It's just fine and dandy to show your breasts in a low cut/revealing top or a bikini, but if I am to show as much flesh in public by feeding my child (and trust me, I don't show any more flesh feeding my child than I would wearing a bathing suit.) I get harassed for it. By talking openly about it, or at least as openly as some guys talk about the nice rack on some girl passing by, we are opening the doors to normalizing it again. Breasts are seen as purely sexual in modern society and breastfeeding, the entire reason behind having breasts, is seen as a dirty act that should only be performed (if at all) in the privacy of ones own home, in a dirty bathroom, or at best, under a blanket.

This is not the first time that I have received responses having to do with breastfeeding on Facebook. I would like to take the time right now to say that I have set up my Facebook and Twitter accounts to only coincide when I put #fb in my Twitter posts. I realize that this is probably not the best way to normalize breastfeeding in modern society, but for this moment, I am picking my battles. Earlier tonight I was called a "spermbag prostitute" by an ignorant troll of a woman for standing up for a friend who is breastfeeding a toddler. I don't particularly care to engage in that sort of commentary on Facebook as well as Twitter, so for now, my accounts will no longer coincide. I am not happy with this, but it's what I'm doing for now and depending on how I feel about it tomorrow, I may change it back. I was feeling somewhat passive aggressive at the time of my decision and posted this status in reference to it:

In order to appease the masses who are apparently annoyed/offended by my posts via Twitter about breastfeeding, I have suspended the connection btwn Twitter and Facebook. If you see a post ending in #fb it's a "selective twitter" post - a post coming from Twitter that I specifically posted to Facebook as well via Twitter. Censorship at its finest people.

As for how I feel about what was said...

First of all, he may not have meant for me to be offended, but I was. I am offended. Obviously, as I post frequently about it, breastfeeding is something that is important to me. It has been a HUGE part of the relationship I have with my daughter. It has had a HUGE impact on every aspect of my life, in all honesty. So to question why I post about something that I obviously care so much about, that to me is offensive. (Excuse me. "Offencive." Ugh.)

Second, of course I realize that I am not the first (or last!) girl to breastfeed or give birth! The whole point in posting about breastfeeding is, as stated numerous times above, to help normalize it so that hopefully more and more women will be comfortable trying it out, asking for help when needed, and sticking with it.

"no not offensive i have had a kid and the bitch breast fed"

If I EVER read "not offensive" and the term "bitch" in reference to a woman in the same sentence again, I might have to get violent.

"women did it just fine before social networking sites"

Women did it just fine when breastfeeding was the norm. When little girls grew up seeing their mothers feed their younger siblings by the breast and not the bottle, as their mothers had seen their grandmothers do for their siblings, yes, women did it just fine then. Currently women do not do it "just fine." According to the CDC*(1), in 2003 only 14.2% of mothers surveyed exclusively breastfed their 6 month old babies. It is recommended by the World Health Organization*(2) that all mothers breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond. Of course, I'm sure that's excluding those who have actual medical reasons for being unable to breastfeed (of which there aren't as many as are claimed.) That still puts us almost 85.8% lower than the recommendation. I wouldn't call that "just fine," would you?

*Sources:
1 http://www.kellymom.com/writings/bf-numbers.html
2 http://www.who.int/child_adolescent_health/topics/prevention_care/child/nutrition/breastfeeding/en/

I am more than disappointed in the conversation listed above. I am not surprised by it, but that in and of itself is also disappointing. I hope though, that by continuing to engage in these conversations that perhaps one day we will achieve the goal. In the meantime, I will continue to fight the good fight alongside my friends on Twitter. What an amazing support system they have been. Thanks to all of you who have been there for me.

A special thanks to Annie at PhDinParenting. Her blog was what set me off in my search for acceptance as a breastfeeding mother.

**Edit**

T. has responded to my status stating the severed connection between my Twitter and Facebook accounts. For now I am just posting the exchange, then heading to bed. Tomorrow I will post further thoughts.

Status:

In order to appease the masses who are apparently annoyed/offended by my posts via Twitter about breastfeeding, I have suspended the connection btwn Twitter and Facebook. If you see a post ending in #fb it's a "selective twitter" post - a post coming from Twitter that I specifically posted to Facebook as well via Twitter. Censorship at its finest people.

Responses:

T: wow really? Is attention that imortant to you and your twitter status Erin? Because I exercise my first amendment right and make an inquiry about your status updates/twitter posts you start another post demonizing my me? Come on if this is not the back bone of the feminist movement I don't know what is, ie. making a large deal out of a non-issue. No body give a shit whether you breast feed or not, except maybe for a few dense assholes, but that is not good enough for you. You need something to tweet about, so you chose an old, dilapitated subject. Compared to the real life issues weighing on our world today, the subject of bra burning feminist waving their tits to and fro for "equal rights" seems a bit shallow and pedantic. But hey if twisting my words and questions around help you get a few more fans to "make a difference" and boycott Nestle or some shit more power two you. Just remember freedom of speech is and always has been a double edged sword.

T: BTW, "appease the masses?" Savior complex much? ONE person made ONE comment, come on you are no rosa parks here, lets take a step away from the high horse

Me: Yes, really, T. And way to make it all about you as well, sir. No, it's not just about you. You're not the first to comment and I'm sure you wouldn't be the last either. I don't see how I "demonized" you, but if that's what you choose to think, more power to you. If you are bothered that much by what I post, then delete me. If you don't like what I have to say in regards to what you and other people say, don't read it. It is my First Amendment right to respond as I see fit.
Personally, I don't see how this is a non-issue. You bring up the Nestle boycott. Do you even KNOW why I'm boycotting? Are you aware that because of Nestle's immoral marketing in undeveloped countries, women who are perfectly capable of breastfeeding instead opt to use formula they often can't afford to buy (thus forcing them to thin it out, giving their infants less nutrients than they need, using unclean water). In the US alone (a developed country, as opposed to the above noted) infant mortality rates are reduced by 21% in breastfed infants. I don't know about you, but I don't see how that is a non-issue.
I am not trying to play the martyr. Sure, my comment may have been a little passive aggressive, but so is telling me, "Hey, no offense, but you're not the first to breastfeed or give birth." Like I said before, you're not the first to make this kind of comment. You couldn't possibly think that you're so original as to be the only person bothered by posts about breastfeeding, could you? I realize that it's not for everyone and that not everyone wants to read about it. That's why I changed my account connections. I have no intention of not saying what I have to say, but in order to choose my battles (an effort which apparently is a moot point now) I have changed the layout.
And in as far as attention is concerned, feel free to direct yours elsewhere. It's not wanted here.

Feeling Down

I'm having a bit of a bad night. In the beginning of the year, Jason and I were rendered carless. An opportunity arose in March to get a car, but that fell through horribly and we lost $1200 in the deal. (Believe me when I say that is a rant for another day... And it's a long one. So we'll skip it.) When we lost the opportunity to have a car right before Kairi was born, along with all that money, it set us back an entire year on our 5 year plan. (I don't even know if I would call it a 5 year plan as much as a 2-4 year plan - 5 year just sounds better.) Our plan required a car, because our plan required me to finish school, which involves a commute to a neighboring town.

So, since January we have been without reliable transportation. That might explain why I literally jumped for joy when last week my mother offered to borrow $3k from a close friend to help us get a car. The offer was for her to borrow the money and we would pay it back out of our tax money. Since I didn't work this year, I was not certain we would get that much money in our taxes, so I used Jason's income information from last year to estimate what we will be getting this February. The results surprised me, although I should have guessed. We will be getting much more than I had anticipated - close to $10k - due to Earned Income Credit and having a second child claimed this year.

So I began my search for cars on Carmax.com. Immediately I found a car that I really wanted: it was the least expensive one on the site as well as a model that I have been wanting for a long time, a Ford Focus. It's an '06 and was running right at $7k. I called and spoke to a sales rep who got Jason's information from me and put in a finance application. Our application was denied. The bank wanted us to finance at least $6k through them (with our $3k down payment it would only be about $4k financed) and they wanted us to get a car that had less than 60k miles, whereas the Focus had 92k. The bank also said that we had to get a car that was at least an '04 model, but that didn't really apply here, because like I said before this was an '06.

The next day I looked again. I found an '04 Kia Optima that had 54k miles and was $8500. Add the tax, tag and title to the price and we would be financing right at $6k on it. Just in case we fell short of the $6k I asked Demarcus, the sales rep, to find out what the minimum down payment would be to reach that $6k would be. He put in a new application for financing. We were denied again. The bank this time said that they wanted us to get a car that was at least an '06 model and had less than 50k miles. And $3k was the minimum down with our credit. I scoured the site and didn't find a single car that met the criteria the bank gave as well as our price range. I want to get something that we can pay off completely with our taxes but they just didn't have anything within the scope.

I spoke with Demarcus again and asked if they had anything that wasn't on the site that met our needs. He said that they didn't, but that if we had a co-signer it would open more options to us. We could get either the Focus or the Optima if we wanted.

I emailed my mother and told her what Demarcus had said. I didn't ask her to co-sign because she's already doing so much for us. I was merely updating her on the situation. I also asked her to call me when she got off work. This was two days ago, and I didn't hear anything. I called her tonight and was talking with her about the situation. She told me that she doesn't feel comfortable borrowing the whole $3k and would feel better about it if it were closer to $1500 or $2000. With that amount, even with a co-signer, financing would not be feasible for us because the monthly payment between now and tax time is more than we can afford. Even the payment with a $3k down payment was pushing it. She suggested I look in the paper for something instead. I told her to forget it. I don't want to put a Band-Aid on the situation with a piece of crap clunker from some random guy off the street when in a few months I can get something from a dealer that will be likely more reliable and closer to what we need.

So now we are back to where we started. No car, and no plans to get one until tax time. Great. I'm incredibly frustrated. I don't understand why my mom would offer to borrow $3k in the first place and then back out of it. I feel like I got my hopes up for nothing. I'm not mad at my mom, because she is still generously offering the $1500-2000, but I can't help but be disappointed at the situation. I wish she hadn't offered in the first place if she wasn't comfortable with it. It's not like I asked her to do this.

It's also frustrating that everyone I call to try to talk this out with has to let me go for one reason or another. Again, I'm not angry at anyone, I am just feeling sorry for myself and I would like to talk to someone about it - but no one is available.

I realize that I am probably acting childish about this whole thing. I am sure that I likely sound like a spoiled brat. And I apologize if it comes off that way. I just don't feel like it would be appropriate to accept help that is not going to be the kind of help we need. And I feel like if my mom isn't comfortable with her original price after a week, she will likely not feel comfortable with her secondary offer either. I just don't want to feel guilty for accepting her help if she's not comfortable with it. In most cases the old "any help will do" thing comes into play but here I feel like it would be more burden than benefit.

I think I might go lay down. It's early, but it might just be time to end my day.