Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Confrontation vs. Censorship

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public


This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.


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As most of my friends and family know, I breastfeed Kairi and I am passionate about the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.  Some have even said that I've become a bit of a different person since having Kairi because of how immersed I've become in this and other aspects of attachment parenting.

For a while, I would post frequently on both Twitter and Facebook different articles about breastfeeding and my views on current events in breastfeeding news. One night, I shared a particularly funny link to a comic strip about breastfeeding and my Facebook page got lit up. Apparently people don't like hearing about breastfeeding.

After that day I decided to drastically reduce my amount of posts on Facebook regarding breastfeeding. It really did seem like a lot of the time that I posted about it, particularly breastfeeding in public, it would spark some pretty nasty debate. It always started out clean, but at some point or another someone would compare breastfeeding in public to lewd and disgusting acts or someone would call formula feeding parents lazy or ignorant and things just turn ugly at that point.

It truly bothers me when I have something to say but I feel the need to censor myself. I don't like confrontation but I hate tiptoeing around subjects even more. I don't often have the need to nurse in public but when I do, a twinge of the same need to censor myself hits me. I often wonder if I'm going to be approached and asked to leave or if some stranger is going to be Tweeting about how I shouldn't be nursing my child next to him while he's eating his gyro. I wonder if the people who get up to leave are leaving on their own accord or if the simple act of feeding my child has made them so uncomfortable that they feel the need to flee.

It just seems so strange to me that people are SO appalled by the way our bodies have given us the ability to feed our kids on demand, for free, a substance that is biologically perfect. It angers and saddens me that I can't feed my daughter wherever we happen to be and I can't talk about these issues that concern me without falling under fire. Someone recently said that breastfeeding is the ONLY biological norm that we are running away from more than running to - and I totally agree.

So, because of this, because hearing about and seeing breastfed children NEEDS to be an everyday NORMAL event, I will no longer censor myself or back down from an argument or debate for the sake of avoiding confrontation. I will not confine myself to the darkened corners and hallways to avoid the ever-watching public eye just because my child is hungry. All I want is to feed my child in peace. Is it really so wrong to ask for that?

Comments (8)

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It is NOT wrong to ask for that, not at all. Just know that, whatever you do, many other nursing mamas are standing in solidarity with you.
My recent post Mr Salesguy
It wasn't long ago that society ran away from another biological norm: sex. The 70's brought about a revolution in society's view of sex. Talking about sex, sex before marriage, recorded sex. Many in society are not on board with those things, and the people that are okay with one or more of those things are still more likely to practice society's accepted monogamy. The act of making a baby is not allowed in public, though it is the first step in carrying on our society. Maybe it's because it's an intensely intimate moment. Maybe because it brings about feelings/thoughts in whatever audience might be party to such a situation. It seems that our culture settled on the accepted practice long ago and the reasons have been lost, but the tradition remains because it's what's accepted. I'm not saying you shouldn't be allowed to feed your baby in public, I'm a Libertarian and think that everyone can determine what's right for themselves. Also, I wouldn't be the one to stop two people from having sex on the sidewalk. I might just chose to walk to the other side of the street as to leave them to their moment. Sudden thought, maybe people don't flee when they realize that you're feeding your baby next to them, maybe they want or feel obligated to give you some space for a seemingly intimate moment.
I think the online world is so much scarier than the real world. People say much more when anonymity or the screen protects them from real reactions. Very few people would say the hurtful things I've seen on forums or message boards. I do think that it is up to people like you and me (and everyone participating in this Carnival) to be brave for the sake of our kids. To be respectful of other people's opinions without subordinating our children's right to nourishment and comfort.
My recent post Toddler Nursing Under Cover
It's good to hear you aren't going to let internet snarkiness censor you any more. It is really hard sometimes to be seen as combative but the truth is that just posting the truth isn't being combative! You're awesome, thank you!
My recent post Weighty Wednesday 6
Luckily I haven't had anyone comment negatively on any links I've posted on FB.

Don't censor yourself. Your FB and Twitter friends can always hide your feed if they don't like what you say. Also, give yourself permission to block particularly heinous people.

"Well behaved women rarely make history."
My recent post Carnival of Nursing in Public- The First Time
What I received from your post and what I know, and read the examples you have given here on your Facebook page (and I agree it gets ugly). I question something...

Is not breastfeeding a different experience than formula? I don't mean the bonding, and empowerment of growing a baby, but the actual feeding itself. When you bottle feed you can go anywhere do anything, post a picture or even post a link. NOTHING IS SAID (from my page, not even from Breastfeeding mothers). Yet, how is your experience with breastfeeding (already answered)?

This baffles me to not end. Facebook is a rough place to be. I have had to be an extremist (I think that is what one called me before deleting me) and say (along the lines) on a status: 'From now on I will not group anyone anymore, you will receive breastfeeding post from me. I do not intend nor do I want to have degrading remarks. We will play nice in the sandbox. I do not share in the intent to offend or demean you. I share because it's interesting, and because (just like your meals, loving your spouse or animal) it's apart of my life. If you can't handle it, do me the favor and delete/hide me.'

I know have more moms from Kellymom and friends who are ok with breastfeeding on my contacts. Even though it would be nice to mingle with my family and other friends. They do not support me nor do they understand me. The is the bottom line.

Also I have thought about another way that might *help* is to state a factual statement in the box for your comment before you share. Something that wont leave anything open to opinions. It's going to hard but I will try from now on :)
My recent post Carnival of Nursing in Public- A Moment That Matters CarNIP
I am one of the few in my family who has breastfed. I find that the men especially feel that they need to give me space to nurse so I feel more comfortable. No matter how much I reassure them, my dad and mostly my uncle insist on leaving the room. I appreciate that they don't ask that I leave, but I hate that they feel uncomfortable.
Erin, I totally agree! I've felt the same way. So glad you're coming to a peace about NIP. It's so important for us to normalize breastfeeding, and that's the way to do it.
My recent post Bigger Picture Moments- Nursing me back to life

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